Monday, May 31, 2004
last saturday,
my college friends and i drove 3 and a half hours to get to batangas city, to attend the wake of a classmate's dad. anyway, i sincerely regretted not bringing my family's set of radios that are perfect for those long drives with at least two cars, and a lot of people who need something to pass the time with.
my friend's dad died rather untimely- a head-on collision with a wrong-way driver, and the lives of he and his friend at the wheel were snuffed out. as is with rural accidents in the middle of the night, details were still sketchy as of the time we visited, with wildly conflicting reports as to the whereabouts of the offending driver (from his being dead, to being detained, to having had escaped... and it has already been assumed he was drunk, being on the wrong side of the road.)
as such, it was a very difficult thing to swallow for those left behind, especially for my friend's mother and his six sisters. you could tell that the younger ones, especially, were trying very hard to hold back their tears, but their emotions eventually won out. it does hurt, watching someone trying to be strong.
it was another addition to the sensory prints i remember of that day: chinese paper scrolls of monetary pledges, the searing heat from the afternoon sun, and lighting candles in a building made 5 centuries ago with the purpose of glorifying a god, but also once used as bastion for and against people who shared this god yet spilled each other's blood.
as we stepped out of the bereavement hall, a hubbub was gathering outside the church; turns out that there was a wedding to begin. we could see the bride, with her nervous, yet excited smile. we saw the groom, whose beaming grin gave him away. we saw family, friends, some who looked wistful, most who looked hopeful, and all who looked anticipative.
banter passed around our group (of sixteen!), some aimed at me and my partner. when we looked at each other, we smiled, and knew at once we were thinking the same. but it wasn't about ourselves.
a wake and a wedding, meters from each other. families gathered. tears. hope. an end, and a beginning.
rites of passage, in the house of one God.
my college friends and i drove 3 and a half hours to get to batangas city, to attend the wake of a classmate's dad. anyway, i sincerely regretted not bringing my family's set of radios that are perfect for those long drives with at least two cars, and a lot of people who need something to pass the time with.
my friend's dad died rather untimely- a head-on collision with a wrong-way driver, and the lives of he and his friend at the wheel were snuffed out. as is with rural accidents in the middle of the night, details were still sketchy as of the time we visited, with wildly conflicting reports as to the whereabouts of the offending driver (from his being dead, to being detained, to having had escaped... and it has already been assumed he was drunk, being on the wrong side of the road.)
as such, it was a very difficult thing to swallow for those left behind, especially for my friend's mother and his six sisters. you could tell that the younger ones, especially, were trying very hard to hold back their tears, but their emotions eventually won out. it does hurt, watching someone trying to be strong.
it was another addition to the sensory prints i remember of that day: chinese paper scrolls of monetary pledges, the searing heat from the afternoon sun, and lighting candles in a building made 5 centuries ago with the purpose of glorifying a god, but also once used as bastion for and against people who shared this god yet spilled each other's blood.
as we stepped out of the bereavement hall, a hubbub was gathering outside the church; turns out that there was a wedding to begin. we could see the bride, with her nervous, yet excited smile. we saw the groom, whose beaming grin gave him away. we saw family, friends, some who looked wistful, most who looked hopeful, and all who looked anticipative.
banter passed around our group (of sixteen!), some aimed at me and my partner. when we looked at each other, we smiled, and knew at once we were thinking the same. but it wasn't about ourselves.
a wake and a wedding, meters from each other. families gathered. tears. hope. an end, and a beginning.
rites of passage, in the house of one God.
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
smack on the head
the company sportsfest is coming up, and i decided to sign up for the department basketball team. i figured that, yeah, i'm a decent player, played light scrimmages now and again in college, and heck, i was a varsity player in high school, though not of basketball- but who else would they play pick-up games to pass the time with?
so sign up i did. and last night was the first scrimmage we had. and i was thinking, 'no need for a breather after work, i'll just go right in. i'm sure it'll be all steady running up and down...' and 40 minutes later i was throwing up my dinner on the sidelines after a complete and utter lack of oxygen.
it was a ringing wake up call to me from the heavens that i was terribly out of shape and that i REALLY needed to get some physical activity going in my body. nevermind that i had dinner two hours before i played- if you're really in fine shape, it would not have been a factor at all.
admittedly, having suddenly run without warmups definitely didn't help my cause. my body has a tendency to react quickly and violently to things it doesn't agree with, so i was thankful, in a sense, that i felt sick real fast, and that it was also over quite quickly. my officemates were quite serious at the start, but the jokes were soon filtering in, and i'm sure that by now, everyone has heard of the spectacle i made of myself last night. i've taken everything in stride so far, and i'm already steeling myself for the comments and snickers because, well frankly, i asked for it.
the company sportsfest is coming up, and i decided to sign up for the department basketball team. i figured that, yeah, i'm a decent player, played light scrimmages now and again in college, and heck, i was a varsity player in high school, though not of basketball- but who else would they play pick-up games to pass the time with?
so sign up i did. and last night was the first scrimmage we had. and i was thinking, 'no need for a breather after work, i'll just go right in. i'm sure it'll be all steady running up and down...' and 40 minutes later i was throwing up my dinner on the sidelines after a complete and utter lack of oxygen.
it was a ringing wake up call to me from the heavens that i was terribly out of shape and that i REALLY needed to get some physical activity going in my body. nevermind that i had dinner two hours before i played- if you're really in fine shape, it would not have been a factor at all.
admittedly, having suddenly run without warmups definitely didn't help my cause. my body has a tendency to react quickly and violently to things it doesn't agree with, so i was thankful, in a sense, that i felt sick real fast, and that it was also over quite quickly. my officemates were quite serious at the start, but the jokes were soon filtering in, and i'm sure that by now, everyone has heard of the spectacle i made of myself last night. i've taken everything in stride so far, and i'm already steeling myself for the comments and snickers because, well frankly, i asked for it.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
my uncle is dying.
my uncle has recently been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer, which has metastasized to his liver. immediately, thoughts of my dad rushed through me again, he having succumbed the same way (except he had it by way of colon cancer). my mom and sister visited him, and he does not look well. his skin has started to turn yellow, and his feet are starting to swell, both textbook signs of impending liver failure. he is hardly eating, and he's losing weight rapidly.
my uncle ben was the first relative at the funeral parlor the morning my dad died. At 6'2", and coupled with very bright eyes and clear skin that spoke that he was obviously a well-bred intellectual, it would've been easy for him to create the impression that he would be constantly looking down upon you. however, he easily broke my misconception upon our handshake. he spoke fondly of my dad, and i discovered for myself why uncle ben was a frequent character in my dad's 'when i was young...' stories. he was, like my dad, an easy guy to talk to, someone who paid his utmost attention to me, even though i was probably rambling about my dad, his cousin, who died two hours ago. he mentioned then that he himself was having medical problems, but he was very sure that they were minor, and that he already seeing a doctor for it. with his easy smile and affable manner, we talked as if the last time we had seen each other was a matter of months, not over 15 years.
and now, all he has now could be less than one. he was discharged from the hospital tuesday, with the doctors not being able to recommend him any medicine anymore. i cannot even begin to think of the frustration that your whole life has been whittled down to a matter of days, that all those who have been educated for years to possibly helping you have done their complete best, but fate has decided that months may be all you have left.
it was raining last night as i was hearing mass, and i put my arm out beyond a canopy to let drops fall on my hand. it occurred to me that i did not know when the last time my dad felt rain was. and it pained me to think that my uncle may not be able to feel rain again, either. the best i could do then was to pray that, should my uncle not live much longer, that he not suffer, that he be as lucky as my dad.
it's odd how invincible we perceive ourselves and those around us so easily, that this transience we have will actually be a paradox of the word. that we always think we will live to feel the next time it rains.
my uncle has recently been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer, which has metastasized to his liver. immediately, thoughts of my dad rushed through me again, he having succumbed the same way (except he had it by way of colon cancer). my mom and sister visited him, and he does not look well. his skin has started to turn yellow, and his feet are starting to swell, both textbook signs of impending liver failure. he is hardly eating, and he's losing weight rapidly.
my uncle ben was the first relative at the funeral parlor the morning my dad died. At 6'2", and coupled with very bright eyes and clear skin that spoke that he was obviously a well-bred intellectual, it would've been easy for him to create the impression that he would be constantly looking down upon you. however, he easily broke my misconception upon our handshake. he spoke fondly of my dad, and i discovered for myself why uncle ben was a frequent character in my dad's 'when i was young...' stories. he was, like my dad, an easy guy to talk to, someone who paid his utmost attention to me, even though i was probably rambling about my dad, his cousin, who died two hours ago. he mentioned then that he himself was having medical problems, but he was very sure that they were minor, and that he already seeing a doctor for it. with his easy smile and affable manner, we talked as if the last time we had seen each other was a matter of months, not over 15 years.
and now, all he has now could be less than one. he was discharged from the hospital tuesday, with the doctors not being able to recommend him any medicine anymore. i cannot even begin to think of the frustration that your whole life has been whittled down to a matter of days, that all those who have been educated for years to possibly helping you have done their complete best, but fate has decided that months may be all you have left.
it was raining last night as i was hearing mass, and i put my arm out beyond a canopy to let drops fall on my hand. it occurred to me that i did not know when the last time my dad felt rain was. and it pained me to think that my uncle may not be able to feel rain again, either. the best i could do then was to pray that, should my uncle not live much longer, that he not suffer, that he be as lucky as my dad.
it's odd how invincible we perceive ourselves and those around us so easily, that this transience we have will actually be a paradox of the word. that we always think we will live to feel the next time it rains.
Monday, May 17, 2004
whoa! where have i been?!
it's been over a month since my last post. in that time, i have:
1. voted in a national election for the first time in my life (which really is a failure on my part, because it should be the second.)
2. acquired 6 CDs (i say i acquired, as i bought only half)- i'm already itching to review one, or another, or all, but i can't choose which!
3. given 4 books by my sister (i'd like to say that two of these are 'comic books', but given that one is 602 pages long, and the other has the biggest face measurement among the four, well, i guess it's back to 'books' again, then.)
4. also acquired a slightly obscure neil gaiman comic which, reportedly, he considers his personal favorite (however, anything else by gaiman, next to a sandman volume/ offshoot is obscure)
5. also completed gaiman's alternate marvel universe entitled '1602'. i don't know what to think of that, though.
6. also started reading brian azzarello's '100 bullets', the premise being that ordinary (or so it seems) people are each given an attache case with a picture of someone who's ruined their lives, enough evidence to support it... and one hundred untraceable bullets.
7. added one more trade paperback to my pending wishlist, which won't be on it for long cuz i've already had it ordered! yay! heheheh...
so i thought i had so much to write about.
but 20 minutes later, i realize that i've written nothing substantial and logical, staring at the computer screen, and about to press 'publish post' on the new blogger layout.
so what do i do then?
push the button.
it's been over a month since my last post. in that time, i have:
1. voted in a national election for the first time in my life (which really is a failure on my part, because it should be the second.)
2. acquired 6 CDs (i say i acquired, as i bought only half)- i'm already itching to review one, or another, or all, but i can't choose which!
3. given 4 books by my sister (i'd like to say that two of these are 'comic books', but given that one is 602 pages long, and the other has the biggest face measurement among the four, well, i guess it's back to 'books' again, then.)
4. also acquired a slightly obscure neil gaiman comic which, reportedly, he considers his personal favorite (however, anything else by gaiman, next to a sandman volume/ offshoot is obscure)
5. also completed gaiman's alternate marvel universe entitled '1602'. i don't know what to think of that, though.
6. also started reading brian azzarello's '100 bullets', the premise being that ordinary (or so it seems) people are each given an attache case with a picture of someone who's ruined their lives, enough evidence to support it... and one hundred untraceable bullets.
7. added one more trade paperback to my pending wishlist, which won't be on it for long cuz i've already had it ordered! yay! heheheh...
so i thought i had so much to write about.
but 20 minutes later, i realize that i've written nothing substantial and logical, staring at the computer screen, and about to press 'publish post' on the new blogger layout.
so what do i do then?
push the button.
