durr...

one step too far. or maybe more.

having been disappointed with the time i had the last time i ran, i sorely wanted to do better this time out, so i decided to hold off doing any additional training for a 15K, and have a goal of doing better on a 10K run this time out. little did i know that, really, i should've mentally prepared for a setting a goal and really sticking to it.

it really does amuse me that i'm being a pretty consistent runner now. i set certain distance landmarks for 3, 5, 8, and 9.5K, and i've noticed that everytime i run, i'm always within a minute at each distance marker from the last run. and i do like that, though of course i wish i were a little bit faster.

and as i was approaching my 9.5K marker, i began entertaining the thought of trying out a 15K. i knew at this point that i would finish 10K within an hour, so, while checking my watch as i finished 10K (in 58:36), i decided to give it a scout's try and see how much left i had in the tank. the new objective would be to run until either a) i finished the 15K, or b) something gave out. but i knew that it was a bonus in itself to be even running beyond 10K. and so i went on, and i felt i slowed my pace down further to play safe; after all, like most new challenges, i had no idea what i was actually getting myself into.

i reached a point, however, where i was really feeling a groove; it's not numbness at all, but more like you were losing consciousness of what your doing and just doing it. which felt great. unfortunately, i had no idea if this meant that my body was about to give out. it didn't last long, though; i soon drifted back into 'consciousness', and i was feeling the labor carrying my strides as i was approaching the last 300 meters or so. Looking at my watch, i found that i had already passed the 1:30 mark (which will be my 15K goal), but i was satisfied with what i had done, and i finished with what i feel was a fairly decent time of 1:31:54.

it was a content kind of tiredness last night; i was happy with a good time on my first 15K trial run. though i believe i'll be training to improve my 10K times first, it seems like yet another good step towards that half-marathon by year's end.

getting older is better with friends

you think?

saturday night once again, and i decided to take my third, potentially deciding, run, to test waters in training for 15K. earlier, i had promised that 3 consecutive sub-hour 10K runs would make me start training for 15K. and so, i set off, with the objective of doing the best time among my last 3 runs. i wore my 'broken-in' shoes to set me straight, and, it being a muggy night (yet again), opted for a cut-off running jersey.

didn't work. just barely got in, finishing the run in 59:04. while, really, i could've given a lot of explanations for why i was a lot slower than the last two runs, they really don't mean much to me. all i felt was the need to do better next time. but the point was, i did my set of 3 sub-hour runs. maybe, indeed, it was time to start training for the next step at 15K.

it being a good friends' birthday, he called the shots for a night out at a local hangout. we ended up being just 4 guys, with one bringing his newlywed along. which wasn't a problem, because despite her stunning looks and cool style, she knew how to dish it with the boys. it's not like we were major jocks, either, anyway, so we could hold on our own as well. kudos to virgil and luci (or is it spelled lucy? whatever).

so, we had beers, virgil did the free drinks (which was jim beam in different recipes, and he tried a couple of them), we talked, laughed, and watched really, really, really great bands perform, bands that were mostly under the radar of the local pop and rock scene. and finished Sunday morning at around 2:30am. i wasn't expecting it to be that late. but mostly, i wasn't expecting to have lasted that long. but i guess it's from celebrating yet another birthday with old friends, good music, and, having had another good run under my belt; knowing that maybe there is a balancing act that can be made.

and getting older now doesn't just seem 'not so bad'; it seems to feel really good.
 

well, 20 kilometers down.

10 more to go.

i hadn't planned on running twice this trip home; my planned run for my stay here in the city really was for today, but, inspired by last saturday's run, i decided to find out if i could do another 10 kilometers in under an hour.

and, lo and behold, i did. even faster than the last one, in fact, at 58:25. this doesn't really make me a kenyan just yet, but, as i've said, i do it to continually improve myself. frightening, though, how close my time from last saturday was to today's. 13 seconds seems like a lot, but in the scheme of a 10k distance, a lot of small things can happen to make a difference of 13 seconds.

in the meantime, though, my shoes are beginning to feel a little more comfortable. is it possible that i can actually feel a difference between broken-in shoes? i'm not certain, but it sure feels good knowing that my 2 sub-hour 10K runs were actually in these newer (and, to me, currently less comfortable) pair of shoes.

i still have a ways to go. considering that i've said i need just three sub-hour 10Ks, i have no idea where to start training for 15K. another 5K is, frankly, not a walk in the park (excuse the pun), and i look forward to the challenge. having lost a lot of things i've held close this year, i will face this, and the rest of the year's challenges, on my own. but i have faith in myself; for who else better to have faith in, aside from higher powers, than yourself?

get older

sometime late '07, i started frequenting a local watering hole that prides itself on being a venue for the burgeoning local rock scene. i had been to bars to catch local bands before, but never had i come to a place with no knowledge of who was playing, and, suffice to say, having had a blast the first night i went, i was hooked. so i came back. and it wasn't just me who came to get a fix of that unpretentious, just-there-to-appreciate-music vibe. it was a place where college kids in skinny jeans following their band of adulation were mingling with 30-somethings who'd dress down from their corporate attire to unwind with good friends. nobody was there trying to impress anyone else (and if there was, no one really noticed). it was in-the-know without being unaccommodating. i was going on weekdays, then to the point of going 3 days in a week. then, to knowing the staffers at the place. then, going there by myself. and, in the course of wanting to catch certain bands i wanted to see, i ended going to other similar joints in the metro. but never did i get the same comfort as with the one that got me hooked.

at around the same time, i started to take up a new 'sport' - road running. it was something also with a quietly bubbling following locally, and i went into it headfirst with no experience, training, or even reading up. which is why, at my first 10K, i finished in 71 minutes with my tongue lolling out at the end. i had my doubts at first, because i'm really not a fast runner, even until now- in race results, i'm pretty much in the middle of the pack. but i came to the philosophy that competitive running for a regular joe like me isn't as much as competing against others, but maybe more of competing against the course, and competing against yourself, improving your personal time as progression. and soon i grew into this running thing. now i'm still an average runner, finishing 10K in the 63 to 66 minute time frame, and while that may not seem like much, it does to me, given that i don't really practice that often and probably run competitively once a month.

saturday night, i decided to mix two of my favorite things to do, go out for a night run for an hour, after which i'd head on out to that local watering hole, knowing that the lineup that night was interesting enough (yes, at this point, i learned to look up the gig skeds).

so i went to run at my current favorite route, inside one of the city's small villages. i like running here because traffic is almost absent, there are a lot of trees (so a late afternoon/ early morning run becomes an option), and there are enough inclines and downhills to make it a varied course. the goal for tonight, really, was to time how long i could run 10K. having finished just over an hour the last time, i decided to finally use the stopwatch on my watch and see how long it'd really take me to do 10K. and so i set off, pacing myself to make sure i would finish the 10K, before even entertaining any thoughts of my course time.

but at the last corner that marked my 10K, a check of my watch showed a time of 58:37. so i had to slow down and blink once or twice to make sure. and i guess i saw it right, because it soon was ticking away at 58:51... 52...

i had promised myself months ago that if i made 3 consecutive sub-hour 10K runs, i would start training to improve my endurance and move up a distance notch, either in the 15K or 16K runs that are offered along with the 5, 10, and half-marathon distances. and here i was, now one step closer to doing that. of course i was euphoric in my time- after all, it was just under 2 months ago that i turned my ankle, ending (in my mind) all possibilities of running a half-marathon by my birthday in july. and while, of course, that is still unattainable, it was now not as distant a reality as i had thought.

still feeling good about a new personal best, i arrived at the watering hole, paid entrance, and decided to people watch, for lack of anything else to do. but watching others chat and mingle made me feel something i knew was quietly inside me all this time: loneliness. my being alone was a choice, i know; it was a choice that i've made time and time again, not just in being here with a beer, but in other circumstances. and it's one that i'd been very comfortable with, up until that moment. i felt really, oddly alone. and, quite frankly, really hot, because it was a muggy night, which wasn't helped by my beer.

so by the second beer (and only the 1st out 5 acts that night), i decided to call it a night. nodded to the bouncer (he's not really a bouncer; more like the ticket attendant), and left. nevermind the cost of the beer and entrance; i had gotten enough get-in-free rides there to postulate that it's really the staff of a bar you need to know to get in for free, if you wanted.

i needed to come home and write about getting older.

i'm personally at the point where i know that i'm not getting any younger anymore. and so i try to be more conscious of what i eat. i took up running. over the last two months, i've had only 8 beers (including the 2 i mentioned earlier). well, that is surprising, if you must know. i'll need another post to explain why. and i don't really stay up that late anymore. like i said, when i'd go out by myself, i'd sometimes close the gigs of the night, which would be at 3am on a weekday. now, i couldn't even get past 2 beers and 11:30pm. but at the same time, i can now run 10k in less than an hour. i've climbed the country's highest mountain this year, and, despite turning my ankle going down (which swelled for a week, if i may add), i still plan to finish a half-marathon by the end of the year.

i realized that, last night, i tried to combine two of my favorite things that may be at odds with each other. i'm starting to look with faith into the life of being healthier, conquering other milestones, and at the same time i'm looking back with reverence at the life of staying up late listening to hip tunes live, beer in hand. and i don't know if i should say 'screw it', and go headfirst into one end, or if i should just try to create a balancing act to this. i believe that i am, like many others are, at that point of trying to squeeze in one last hurrah, like the ben folds song, still fighting to hold on to that thread while thinking, 'not... just... yet...'

hm. i am getting older.

and i now have more posts in two months than i've made in the previous

... what, four years?

maybe it's boredom from staying here in my assignment over the weekends.
maybe it's because another relationship has ended.
maybe it's because i'm too cheap to buy a camera, and would rather spend my free time writing whatever comes to mind instead.

no, it's not that i'm too cheap to buy a camera; i'm afraid to buy a camera because i can't justify it, as i think i'm not that creative enough (though frankly, that didn't stop a lot of people out there- but i digress).

maybe it's because i need to vent all this uncertainty. i'm here, on my own, very much alone, and, while i don't really regret being assigned here (because the alternatives would've been a lot worse), i'm still thinking, 'am i letting my life pass me by, and i have no idea that it is?' sometimes i get frustrated, when i begin to entertain thoughts that it is.

and then for some reason, those thoughts turn again to knowing that a lot of it (if not everything) is really up to me. because i need to put my passions on hold (for reasons that may be disclosed later on), i think i've turned to using this blog as an outlet- just reflections on things a regular guy living a regular life lives out.

it will remind me that, at a time in my life when i felt so alone, i still had myself.

sometimes that's all one needs to know to get by.