durr...

August 20, 2004: 1854

damn, it's traffic everywhere how'm i gonna get to that dinner i'm hungry already where to park, where to park ah i'll pass here but then that'll bring me to greenbelt 2 and i need to go to park square2 well nevermind i'll get there faster i'll just have to walk and that's never a bad thing 'then the sheriff said boy I gonna watch you die with 19 minutes to go so I laughed in his face and i kicked him in the eye with 18 minutes to go' well i guess i'll pass by music one i'm here anyway (haha nice try i can see through you already) well, gabriel, gabriel, gabriel, gano, nope, no peter gabriel here man i swear local record stores are really sorry-ass hey the pearl jam i got for 150 is here, selling for, whoa 475 i should reward myself with buying another CD oh well anyway let's go to tower and look you know i'm really thankful i don't work in the central business district it's just too fast here hustle bustle we all kinda look like rats and that's a scary thing not to mention some of the people passing smell well not like rats but they've been out well that's okay this ain't nothing to singapore but it's nice to look at people wondering what they're thinking what they're coming home to why they're here damn there were two free aisles and both blocked by women who just stopped why do they do that just stopping in the middle without looking if they were drivers well nevermind hmm, there's a cute girl in that group d'oh! she caught me looking at her it's funny when you check someone out for like two seconds and your eyes meet and you're both like 'oh i hope he/she didn't catch me checking him/her out' when you BOTH know very well that you were hmm maybe i should blog this train of thought since i've never done a train of thought type of post anyway oh man a group of gay guys you know i don't really consider myself homophobic i mean hey my kid could be gay and i don't care as long as he doesn't cross dress i mean you don't need to cross dress to get your dick you know but groups of gays even when dressed straight they make me feel weird so maybe i am a bigot but maybe in a smaller sense can you be that then, a mini-bigot and should i actually blog this oh well i'll commit to myself that i will i mean this is a thought train i need to continue it if i don't then what's the point of posting it i'm off and running anyway man they don't have the peter gabriel in tower either maybe i should just buy a playboy video instead but sigh nevermind i'm hungry already i want food that'll shorten my life span but first, i think i'll reserve the y:the last man copies at filbar's why is it that we can reserve and buy comic books (and regular books, for that matter) and yet not have the same reliable service for CDs i don't get it i just don't miss do you have a better copy of volumes 1 and 3 just on the offhand chance okay go ask around the other branches it's funny the guys who make the most tactless comments about models in magazines turn out to be not so hot themselves i mean does she really have a wide chin i never noticed frankly i have no idea who she was in the first place until i overheard you bash her you ugly moron man i really shouldn't be caught in filbar's too often there's a higher stuck-up gamer/geek per square inch ratio in here but then again what am i doing here man this is taking too long not to mention my patience is running thin on broke-ass sk8r boi here and his ugly apprentice look miss i'll just pre-order #2 okay yeah okay 200 bucks deposit right just give me the receipt thank you very much i'm so outta here whew yes? you're already there? with seats? alright great i'll see you in a bit i ordered #2 already but not numbers 1 and 3 it's a long story i'll tell you later okay i'll see you bye d'oh i forgot to tell them to order me something i could really tuck into sisig and a beer now hm maybe i will order a beer later maybe just one yeah i'm here already where do i go? straight, past the door, to the left ah okay i see you

August 20, 2004: 1927

the not-my-own-stuff post

it seems to me that a rite of passage for all bloggers is posting something that isn't theirs (of course, citing appropriate references). it's more often than not lyrics to a song (i must admit, bloggers seem to have good taste in music), or poems (which i could never relate to, since i'm terrible at poems), or the highly occasional short story.

my own turn at this will feature neil gaiman. now, before you roll your eyes, muttering 'oh dear, another gaiman junkie', i'll go defensive and say that i really didn't like american gods (or didn't get it), and thought that neverwhere was no big deal as a first novel. i have to give credit to the man for creating the world of the dreaming, and i admire the fact that he has used the franchise to let tons of other talented writers be noticed. i saw this short, short story in a thin but beautiful book called strange kaddish.


in the end
neil gaiman

In the end, the Lord gave Mankind the world. All the world was Man's, save for one garden. "This is my garden," saith the Lord, "and here you shall not enter."

There was a man and a woman, who came to the garden, and their names were Earth and Breath. They had with them a small fruit, which the man carried, and when they arrived at the gate to the garden the man gave the fruit to the woman, and the woman gave the fruit to the serpent with the flaming sword who guarded the Eastern gate.

And the serpent took the fruit and placed it on a tree, in the centre of the garden.

Then Earth and Breath knew their clothedness, and removed their garments, one by one, until they were naked; and when the Lord walked through the garden, He saw the man and the woman, who no longer knew good from evil, but were satisfied. Then the Lord opened the gates and gave Mankind the garden and the Serpent he raised up, and it walked away proudly on four legs; and where it went then no man can say.

And after that there was nothing but silence in the Garden, save for the occasional sound of the man taking away a name from another animal.

signs i should really be going


it's friday night, 6pm.

all my friends on YM have signed out.

my boss has left.

my officemates' husbands are calling them up already.

the aircon has been off since 20 minutes ago.

but i'm just half-finished with something and i'm almost off.

sigh

that was the sigh of someone who may be tired, but fulfilled. one who's thankful that it's a weekend, but looking forward to the coming week. or maybe it's because i just got a handful of sweet seedless grapes from someone who needed to get rid of them because she was going home. or maybe it's because i'm finally done with whatever it was i was supposed to be. whatever it is, it's a good sigh, a satisfied one. i might even say it's a sigh with a smile. in fact, i'm feeling another one coming around.

sigh.

aaaaaahhhhh...

security of security

yesterday, as i was leaving the office, two of our security personnel who just finished their shift asked if they could hitch a ride up to a certain bus stop. and since they were headed my way, i gladly obliged.

i wonder, actually why it is that security guards from where i work seem to find me as the hitch car of choice. i mentioned to my partner that maybe it's because i look gullible, but she said, 'the way you hold your chin up? i seriously doubt.'

i won't really argue that point. and, frankly, i'm really not too concerned on why it is. but i'm grateful. i am reminded again that there are people who live a lot simpler life than i do, and can still hardly complain. nevermind that they don't ride or work in climate-controlled environments. they work at the oddest of hours, compete with ten of thousands of others for the same job (and us college grads think we have it tough)- and that's just with their work.

and i believe that most of them aren't of the 'silent suffering' type, either- it's just the indefatigable spirit in them, that there is always something to look forward to, something to laugh at, and something to share with others, that, at times, make me feel a bit selfish whenever i myself think that i haven't been cut enough slack.

and this spirit just sometimes transcends through them. the guards where i used to work always greeted me with extra kindness, and, where i work now, the guards try to find precious parking space for me, because they feel they need to give something in return. and though i am indeed grateful, it doesn't really matter, either. for having heard their stories, laugh with their jokes, and knowing the hope and perseverance that flows through them, it is enough that they teach me and remind on how to live life. so when they ask me if they can hitch a ride, it's a no-brainer, because i have been asked to serve as their transport and be in their presence.

and i am deeply honored.

this report scares me,

not so much because he grew a 65-pound cantaloupe. i've heard of huge vegetables, yes, and a 65-pound cantaloupe doesn't seem so bad.

but if you scroll down to the bottom, it turns out that farmer Scottie also holds a record for a 65-pound celery. a celery as heavy as the world record cantaloupe.

maybe we could use one of its stalks for tennis.

yesterday's stats

summary:

hours at the office: 12

hours inside one room: 9 (straight)

hours i actually worked: 2.5

meeting stats:

franchises discussed: 5

Franchise breakdown:
Franchise 1: 15% of the business. discussion time: 1.5 hours (17%)
Franchise 2: 34% of the business. discussion time: 3.0 hours (30%)
Franchise 3: 34% of the business. discussion time: 2.25 hours (25%)
Franchise 4: 14% of the business. discussion time: 0.75 hours (8.3%)
Franchise 5: 0.35% of the business. discussion time: 1.5 hours (17%)

Don't ask.

total number of attendees throughout the meeting: 17

number of direct reports to directors: 6

number of people who attended all 9 hours: 3

of the three, number of direct reports to directors: 2

of the three, number of departments represented: 1

personal stats:

number of doughnuts consumed: 3

number of whole doughnuts consumed: 2

number of pinched halves: 2

number of mineral water bottles: 3

number of proper, sit down, meals: 0

number of harried, working meals: 1

score of meeting fulfillment (on a scale of 1 to 10): ...

can i get a number?

if, to you, in a workmonth, this type of workday happens at least thrice, then please, please, i beg you, reassess your job options, or try to find a redeeming out-of-work activity or hobby. knowing of the things other people go through in their jobs, i'm so thankful for my own, believe me.

by demand

this is a replicated e-mail thread, and as such, you might understand it better if you start at the bottom. but then again my comments are better appreciated if you start from the top (which is how i made them in the first place). so there's a minor quandary, isn't there?

Somebody wrote (to me):

Dude.. please blog this . it’s forwardable material.. =) and I totally get your point. =)


-----Original Message-----
From: you're kidding me if you think i'm going to put my name here.
Sent: Thursday, August 05, 2004 8:21 PM
To: you're also kidding if you think i'm going to put who i was emailing.
Subject: Re: FW: Soulful Relationship


i'm not against them, per se. i'm against the proliferation of them.

y'see, fundamentally, we all are supposed to know what and what not to do- at least that's what i think. and i also think that relationships are best experienced. just like you don't know what a good cup of coffee is until you've had it, you don't know what good thing it is you got until you've felt it, breathed it, let it run through your fingers, (don't stop me, i'm on a fucking roll here.) and though experiences may not always be what you want, they are more often than not what you need. you might get burned on your first cup of coffee, so the second time around, you make sure you let it cool first. if you don't, you get burned again. but still we want more. and it's never enough that we read brochures on how robust, or rich and frothy, or full-flavored a first-brew cup of coffee is. We want to smell it, taste it, swirl it between our tongues. thirst is never in the tummy, unlike hunger. it's in the mouth, a fundamental vessel of the senses. (now, how that has to do with anything, i don't know, but it just sounded like a fucking profound way to end the paragraph.)

my point is that we don't need brochures to tell us about coffee. if you look at the counter with free brochures in every Starbucks, you'll find that it's still largely stacked with 'em. we don't need things like brochures to confuse the issue. we don't need to know how much work was put into whatever it is (and making us feel unworthy of it), or how exquisite it should be (thereby making us unappreciative if we don't feel the same), or the 'proper' way of enjoying it (which makes us go, 'are we doing this right?'). we need to feel it for ourselves, to sense, to breathe, to make sure that, should we be overwhelmed, we are overwhelmed by what our senses voluntarily feel, and not forced to receive. this isn't paint-by-numbers, or your recipe good for 4. this is how we feel, the way we are to think through emotions, the way we live with someone else, the way we love. coffee-making may follow standards and guides, strict or not, but how we drink it, we enjoy it, never does. and neither should the way we experience our relationships.

now i know why they relate coffee to everything. =)

she wrote:

How come you’re so against these type of stuff? =)

-----Original Message-----
From: me [mailto:]
Sent: Thursday, August 05, 2004 5:58 PM
To: her
Subject: Re: FW: Soulful Relationship

o ayan dude ha, just to point out to you that this discovery weekend crap going around just never goes out of style...

and i'm definitely not going to put who started the whole mess wrote:

For all my married friends and those who plan to get married someday.Ü

i'm doing it again, ignoring my blog.

and, man, do i have a lot of excuses. but at least those excuses will turn into content. i hope.