Wednesday, April 29, 2009
and, just to add...
i never get my font settings right the first time. i've always ended up editing my newly published post just to fix my font settings. arrgh.
i never get my font settings right the first time. i've always ended up editing my newly published post just to fix my font settings. arrgh.
i figure, if i knock back a few beers before writing...
i might write something in a better way. instead, a lot of thoughts are coming in, and i can't filter them properly.
loneliness (or is it spelled lonliness? or is it spelled 'spelt'?)
i'm a salesman assigned to a slightly far-flung area or region of the country. it's just under 300 kms from home (i mean my hometown), and is separated by a 7-hour drive that takes me through one of the country's major mountain ranges. like i've said earlier, i've grown to appreciate working here. i didn't say i liked it, but i do appreciate it. people previously assigned to this post loathe this assignment, but i'm less acrimonious to being here than my predecessors.
but it doesn't mean that i don't have my bouts of loneliness. this is a largely rural area, the country's 'ricebowl', where a lot of the country's granary produce is made. you will not find a mall here, which is strange, as our country is so well-known for its malls. you will not find a starbucks within a (minimum) 300-km radius, and there are 3 mcdonalds branches in the entire region, which (and i looked this up) is all of 32,000 square kilometers. for those in the US, that's as big as maryland. for everyone else, that's bigger than belgium (wow, i didn't realize that i was covering an area bigger than belgium). not to mention that this region is the least densely populated area in the country (the land being mostly two major mountain ranges and rice fields probably helps). truth is, there aren't a lot of people to meet here, and, even so, given my largely anti-social nature, i haven't bothered to meet them, either. but i get by, mostly.
however, tonight was one of the times i felt really alone, for some reason. some nights, i do feel that it's far from home, but i wouldn't feel lonely. even without someone to chat with, i wouldn't feel so alone, with music or my computer to keep me company. but for some reason, i've been feeling the opposite- that i wasn't far from home, but i sure felt lonely.
i was still musing on this while i was preparing dinner, when weird thing, my mom called. she normally doesn't, but was just curious as to when i'd be coming home, and clucking about why i was only preparing dinner now, as well as all the things mothers normally cluck about. about the only thing missing was her possibly passing the phone to my 5-year old nephew, if he were there.
it's funny how impeccable a mother's timing is. while the conversation lasted all of 5 minutes, it certainly helped me with my blues. and maybe that's all i just wanted to write about. that i don't need to feel so lonely. when i come home, i have my mom, my sisters, my nephew to say 'hey! long time no see!' and share meals with. i could call friends up to see the new wolverine movie. or i could run. or maybe not, as my ankle's still sore (more on that some other time).
and, so, i'm not that forlorn anymore. i'm still looking forward to come home, but i was thinking that i'd be looking forward to do it because i was so lonely, which hasn't happened for a long time. but now, i'm excited to come home knowing that, whether here or there, i'm really not so lonely, after all.
i might write something in a better way. instead, a lot of thoughts are coming in, and i can't filter them properly.
loneliness (or is it spelled lonliness? or is it spelled 'spelt'?)
i'm a salesman assigned to a slightly far-flung area or region of the country. it's just under 300 kms from home (i mean my hometown), and is separated by a 7-hour drive that takes me through one of the country's major mountain ranges. like i've said earlier, i've grown to appreciate working here. i didn't say i liked it, but i do appreciate it. people previously assigned to this post loathe this assignment, but i'm less acrimonious to being here than my predecessors.
but it doesn't mean that i don't have my bouts of loneliness. this is a largely rural area, the country's 'ricebowl', where a lot of the country's granary produce is made. you will not find a mall here, which is strange, as our country is so well-known for its malls. you will not find a starbucks within a (minimum) 300-km radius, and there are 3 mcdonalds branches in the entire region, which (and i looked this up) is all of 32,000 square kilometers. for those in the US, that's as big as maryland. for everyone else, that's bigger than belgium (wow, i didn't realize that i was covering an area bigger than belgium). not to mention that this region is the least densely populated area in the country (the land being mostly two major mountain ranges and rice fields probably helps). truth is, there aren't a lot of people to meet here, and, even so, given my largely anti-social nature, i haven't bothered to meet them, either. but i get by, mostly.
however, tonight was one of the times i felt really alone, for some reason. some nights, i do feel that it's far from home, but i wouldn't feel lonely. even without someone to chat with, i wouldn't feel so alone, with music or my computer to keep me company. but for some reason, i've been feeling the opposite- that i wasn't far from home, but i sure felt lonely.
i was still musing on this while i was preparing dinner, when weird thing, my mom called. she normally doesn't, but was just curious as to when i'd be coming home, and clucking about why i was only preparing dinner now, as well as all the things mothers normally cluck about. about the only thing missing was her possibly passing the phone to my 5-year old nephew, if he were there.
it's funny how impeccable a mother's timing is. while the conversation lasted all of 5 minutes, it certainly helped me with my blues. and maybe that's all i just wanted to write about. that i don't need to feel so lonely. when i come home, i have my mom, my sisters, my nephew to say 'hey! long time no see!' and share meals with. i could call friends up to see the new wolverine movie. or i could run. or maybe not, as my ankle's still sore (more on that some other time).
and, so, i'm not that forlorn anymore. i'm still looking forward to come home, but i was thinking that i'd be looking forward to do it because i was so lonely, which hasn't happened for a long time. but now, i'm excited to come home knowing that, whether here or there, i'm really not so lonely, after all.
Monday, April 27, 2009
what do you know?
i'm at it again.
almost 4 years gone by since my previous post. and it's funny to me, actually, reading the last coupla posts actually seem to support this one as well. it's been so long, that i actually had to fix my links on the right side of this page; they were all outdated. jeez.
things have changed so drastically over then and now that, i tell you, i know i've changed. a lot. and what scares me is that, though i know i'm wiser, i know i'm tougher... i'm not sure if that's better.
i do know, though, that if the person who wrote those entries 4 years ago would be thrust upon where i am now... he would break. the experiences i've had in the last couple of years have definitely helped me to not just cope, not just be strong, but to thrive in the place where i am now. i'm happy. i'm not exactly content, but that's actually important. because i'm not satisfied yet with where i am, and i know i have the power and the potential to be somewhere i can be content. i know i'm not there yet. but things are looking up.
and i'm torqued.
i'm at it again.
almost 4 years gone by since my previous post. and it's funny to me, actually, reading the last coupla posts actually seem to support this one as well. it's been so long, that i actually had to fix my links on the right side of this page; they were all outdated. jeez.
things have changed so drastically over then and now that, i tell you, i know i've changed. a lot. and what scares me is that, though i know i'm wiser, i know i'm tougher... i'm not sure if that's better.
i do know, though, that if the person who wrote those entries 4 years ago would be thrust upon where i am now... he would break. the experiences i've had in the last couple of years have definitely helped me to not just cope, not just be strong, but to thrive in the place where i am now. i'm happy. i'm not exactly content, but that's actually important. because i'm not satisfied yet with where i am, and i know i have the power and the potential to be somewhere i can be content. i know i'm not there yet. but things are looking up.
and i'm torqued.
