Thursday, January 28, 2010
well, it didn't work.
i had posted previously that i'd look towards last Saturday's dive as a way of (hopefully) capturing back my enthusiasm for diving that had been seemingly waning. since i was leading this time, i had a sense of responsibility on both taking care of the divers, and at the same time making sure that they got the most out of their dives, hence i would need to be on the lookout for interesting things.
well, i took care of both fronts, but even while i was marveling at the sight of big milkfish, walls of barracuda and jackfish, a huge map puffer, eels, and a vast array of colors on coral mounds that seemed almost mountain-like, that sense of boredom was just nagging me throughout the dives. and it wasn't the fact that we were all freezing (at 24C, the water might've been a little cold), and while it certainly helped distract me, it didn't deter me from looking for great sights underwater and making it fun for them. well, i never said it had to be fun for me, i guess.
my slate for 2009 was 0 dives, and i was hoping that i'd open 2010 with a renewed interest in leading divers, or even diving itself. it hasn't happened yet, but it's just barely a month into the year. it won't happen if i don't dive anymore, so i'm bound to go down yet again. and here's hoping that the rust wears off, and the passion for one of my favorite hobbies gets back on track.
i had posted previously that i'd look towards last Saturday's dive as a way of (hopefully) capturing back my enthusiasm for diving that had been seemingly waning. since i was leading this time, i had a sense of responsibility on both taking care of the divers, and at the same time making sure that they got the most out of their dives, hence i would need to be on the lookout for interesting things.
well, i took care of both fronts, but even while i was marveling at the sight of big milkfish, walls of barracuda and jackfish, a huge map puffer, eels, and a vast array of colors on coral mounds that seemed almost mountain-like, that sense of boredom was just nagging me throughout the dives. and it wasn't the fact that we were all freezing (at 24C, the water might've been a little cold), and while it certainly helped distract me, it didn't deter me from looking for great sights underwater and making it fun for them. well, i never said it had to be fun for me, i guess.
my slate for 2009 was 0 dives, and i was hoping that i'd open 2010 with a renewed interest in leading divers, or even diving itself. it hasn't happened yet, but it's just barely a month into the year. it won't happen if i don't dive anymore, so i'm bound to go down yet again. and here's hoping that the rust wears off, and the passion for one of my favorite hobbies gets back on track.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
water erosion
for the first time in 14 months, i once again went underwater. and since it'd been so long, i had definitely no ambitions to be the group leader for the day, and was content being the safety diver.
throughout the two dives, i found myself feeling strangely detached to the entire proceedings, so much so that when i called attention to a group of yellowtail barracuda, i wasn't as excited as i had been in the past whenever pointing out underwater attractions to groups of divers. since i was still adjusting my gear from entering the water, i continued to do that while pointing to the barracuda, not minding the sight of the fish themselves.
later in the dive, the leader started banging on his tank to call the group's attention. since he was at a significant distance ahead of most of the group, i didn't even bother moving closer to his position to see what he had. all i did was make sure the rest of the divers (who were all finning madly at this point) were actively there. eventually, only 2 others were able to spot what he saw, a blacktip shark in the distance. seeing that i had not been able to spot it, he went back and motioned to me what he had seen. i nodded my acknowledgment and tried to muster enthusiasm, but i was just flat out disinterested. it could've been a whale shark he was pointing out (and it's been previously documented by this group in Anilao); heck, it could've been an intergalactic spaceship for all i cared. but i just wasn't interested in all that at this point. and still i don't know why.
i had previously said to some fellow divers during the 14-month lull that, while i was happy for the group whenever they saw a (marble ray! eagle ray! whale shark- twice!), i wasn't feeling the envy or the awe that i normally would (and should) have in the past. i was hoping that, during last weekend's dive, that lack of enthusiasm would dissipate, and i would be excited to be underwater, seeing things and enjoying the awesomeness of nature again. while certainly there, it just wasn't at the level of dives past, and maybe more sadly, it just felt that i may not ever get it back to where it was before.
in 2 weeks, i have the opportunity to be back, this time to lead a dive. i certainly hope that my keenness to go underwater by then will be, at the very least, higher than what it was during last weekend. i used to live to do this, and it would be a sad thought for me that i might've have lost one of my favorite natural highs.
for the first time in 14 months, i once again went underwater. and since it'd been so long, i had definitely no ambitions to be the group leader for the day, and was content being the safety diver.
throughout the two dives, i found myself feeling strangely detached to the entire proceedings, so much so that when i called attention to a group of yellowtail barracuda, i wasn't as excited as i had been in the past whenever pointing out underwater attractions to groups of divers. since i was still adjusting my gear from entering the water, i continued to do that while pointing to the barracuda, not minding the sight of the fish themselves.
later in the dive, the leader started banging on his tank to call the group's attention. since he was at a significant distance ahead of most of the group, i didn't even bother moving closer to his position to see what he had. all i did was make sure the rest of the divers (who were all finning madly at this point) were actively there. eventually, only 2 others were able to spot what he saw, a blacktip shark in the distance. seeing that i had not been able to spot it, he went back and motioned to me what he had seen. i nodded my acknowledgment and tried to muster enthusiasm, but i was just flat out disinterested. it could've been a whale shark he was pointing out (and it's been previously documented by this group in Anilao); heck, it could've been an intergalactic spaceship for all i cared. but i just wasn't interested in all that at this point. and still i don't know why.
i had previously said to some fellow divers during the 14-month lull that, while i was happy for the group whenever they saw a (marble ray! eagle ray! whale shark- twice!), i wasn't feeling the envy or the awe that i normally would (and should) have in the past. i was hoping that, during last weekend's dive, that lack of enthusiasm would dissipate, and i would be excited to be underwater, seeing things and enjoying the awesomeness of nature again. while certainly there, it just wasn't at the level of dives past, and maybe more sadly, it just felt that i may not ever get it back to where it was before.
in 2 weeks, i have the opportunity to be back, this time to lead a dive. i certainly hope that my keenness to go underwater by then will be, at the very least, higher than what it was during last weekend. i used to live to do this, and it would be a sad thought for me that i might've have lost one of my favorite natural highs.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
ultrasound
during an annual physical a few years back, the doctor mentioned flippantly, 'oh, and you have an irregular heartbeat.' and, with rising anxiety, i asked, 'so, am i healthy? are there implications? am i just gonna drop dead at age 35?' and he answered, 'no, it just means you have an irregular heartbeat.' comforting guy, that doctor.
now that i run over an hour's worth, and slowly extending run times, i mentioned to my sister (a cardiologist) about that diagnosis, and what impact it may have to my running (or vice versa). so she suggested i have an ECG done, just to check. so i go with her to the hospital to have the ECG done, and when it was over, she led to me to another room, applied some gel to my chest, and said, 'ah, just to check.' and, lo and behold, i found myself staring at a computer screen with a familiar conical shape i'd seen only on the television. and i soon felt my heart on the business end of an ultrasound probe. i never thought i'd know how pregnant women felt, seeing things inside your body move just by rubbing a pen-like instrument over your skin.
so she was explaining to me how the aorta was looking good, and that the ventricles seemed very healthy and such (frankly, she was geeking out, so i just shut up). i thought she was done after a few passes over my heart, but then she paused thoughtfully, then put the probe at my abdominal area. had she found something? was there something wrong? would she see a pulmonary condition that would prevent me from running? she was clearly looking for something with concern, and i was anxious to hear her next statement, when finally,
'and there,' she said, 'is your liver.'
during an annual physical a few years back, the doctor mentioned flippantly, 'oh, and you have an irregular heartbeat.' and, with rising anxiety, i asked, 'so, am i healthy? are there implications? am i just gonna drop dead at age 35?' and he answered, 'no, it just means you have an irregular heartbeat.' comforting guy, that doctor.
now that i run over an hour's worth, and slowly extending run times, i mentioned to my sister (a cardiologist) about that diagnosis, and what impact it may have to my running (or vice versa). so she suggested i have an ECG done, just to check. so i go with her to the hospital to have the ECG done, and when it was over, she led to me to another room, applied some gel to my chest, and said, 'ah, just to check.' and, lo and behold, i found myself staring at a computer screen with a familiar conical shape i'd seen only on the television. and i soon felt my heart on the business end of an ultrasound probe. i never thought i'd know how pregnant women felt, seeing things inside your body move just by rubbing a pen-like instrument over your skin.
so she was explaining to me how the aorta was looking good, and that the ventricles seemed very healthy and such (frankly, she was geeking out, so i just shut up). i thought she was done after a few passes over my heart, but then she paused thoughtfully, then put the probe at my abdominal area. had she found something? was there something wrong? would she see a pulmonary condition that would prevent me from running? she was clearly looking for something with concern, and i was anxious to hear her next statement, when finally,
'and there,' she said, 'is your liver.'
