Monday, July 12, 2004

rubeola

a kid's disease at age twenty-... whoa, i almost typed it.

which means i will likely be out of commission for the next week and a half. it isn't exactly unappealing, having to work at home, but i'll be missing out on company-paid lunches and cups of something, anything from the starbucks across the street (i'd say coffee, only i hardly order coffee there.)

these rashes which i've had for three days now keep me up at night- it's like grinding a soda bottle into little pieces and having them in your shirt, in your pants, everywhere. (you can see what this incapacitation has done to my head.) and these rashes have not let up one second since saturday morning. i've tried baths, alcohol, baby wipes, everything. i'm seriously considering baking myself in the sun tomorrow morning in the hopes my skin will fry off.

and this just had to happen a week before my birthday, meaning i'll be a hermit on my twenty-mmph birthday, since i'll probably still be contagious despite not having these rashes by then. hey, my birthday comes only once a year, but i'm not that selfish.

and tonight, somewhere, some guy is merrily screwing a girl he doesn't deserve to. okay, that has no relation whatsoever to the point at hand, but i'm miserable. sue me.



which reminds me,

i saw two videos that were once novelty items around the internet, one named after the international celebrity involved, and another named after the school from which one of the characters reportedly studied. anyway, what i inferred from having watched the videos is that the women had absolutely no idea that their partners would be such deviants, and placed a matter of complete trust in the men, that they not 'spread' the videos around. there was also a lot of submission by the girls, because, clearly, the guys were running the show, telling the girls to do this, or do that, or whatnot.

at this point i'll steer clear of one of the videos mentioned, and focus on the one closer to home. i have yet to confirm this with reliable sources (which are close by- after all, the school in question happens to be my alma mater), but i have heard reports that the girl in the video was a dean's lister, and (this is the sad part), due to the weight of the shame over the video, she reportedly committed suicide. i have not heard of any reports, however, concerning the guy other than he was from the same HS alma mater as myself, too. now, not to disparage myself nor my co-alumni, but i found myself thinking, 'why am i not surprised?'...

i find it awfully disturbing, though, that reactions from a lot of people were mainly indifferent to this whole thing, and there are some who even say she deserved it. i don't. it's not a question of what you do behind closed doors. though i admit, she made a bad choice somewhere, apparently. she let herself be a pawn in a small game turned big.

quite frankly, i have so many things to ramble on about it, and i know i have a point somewhere. that she should've known better, blah, blah, that there just aren't enough real men in the world anymore, so on and so forth. just take the guy in the film, the one who (most definitely) released the tape somewhere. there just isn't an excuse for having done that. none.

i wanna say, 'be more responsible with who you deal with', i wanna say 'why is he not getting any flak?', 'all men are pigs.' 'why didn't we do anything about this?', and explain why i want to say it. but when i think about what she could've done with her life, how he got away with such a deed, and with the apathy we've all treated this, i decide to just drop it.

with this post, like the scandal, there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

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