Saturday, June 06, 2009
and i now have more posts in two months than i've made in the previous
... what, four years?
maybe it's boredom from staying here in my assignment over the weekends.
maybe it's because another relationship has ended.
maybe it's because i'm too cheap to buy a camera, and would rather spend my free time writing whatever comes to mind instead.
no, it's not that i'm too cheap to buy a camera; i'm afraid to buy a camera because i can't justify it, as i think i'm not that creative enough (though frankly, that didn't stop a lot of people out there- but i digress).
maybe it's because i need to vent all this uncertainty. i'm here, on my own, very much alone, and, while i don't really regret being assigned here (because the alternatives would've been a lot worse), i'm still thinking, 'am i letting my life pass me by, and i have no idea that it is?' sometimes i get frustrated, when i begin to entertain thoughts that it is.
and then for some reason, those thoughts turn again to knowing that a lot of it (if not everything) is really up to me. because i need to put my passions on hold (for reasons that may be disclosed later on), i think i've turned to using this blog as an outlet- just reflections on things a regular guy living a regular life lives out.
it will remind me that, at a time in my life when i felt so alone, i still had myself.
sometimes that's all one needs to know to get by.
... what, four years?
maybe it's boredom from staying here in my assignment over the weekends.
maybe it's because another relationship has ended.
maybe it's because i'm too cheap to buy a camera, and would rather spend my free time writing whatever comes to mind instead.
no, it's not that i'm too cheap to buy a camera; i'm afraid to buy a camera because i can't justify it, as i think i'm not that creative enough (though frankly, that didn't stop a lot of people out there- but i digress).
maybe it's because i need to vent all this uncertainty. i'm here, on my own, very much alone, and, while i don't really regret being assigned here (because the alternatives would've been a lot worse), i'm still thinking, 'am i letting my life pass me by, and i have no idea that it is?' sometimes i get frustrated, when i begin to entertain thoughts that it is.
and then for some reason, those thoughts turn again to knowing that a lot of it (if not everything) is really up to me. because i need to put my passions on hold (for reasons that may be disclosed later on), i think i've turned to using this blog as an outlet- just reflections on things a regular guy living a regular life lives out.
it will remind me that, at a time in my life when i felt so alone, i still had myself.
sometimes that's all one needs to know to get by.
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