Sunday, November 22, 2009
the one about finding someone, only to lose them. part one.
somebody asked me last week, 'is it me, or are you getting leaner, but wider?'
and i was told that i've grown thin, but at the same time, i wasn't as scrawny as i was before. i didn't think that there would be results so soon after starting to do some additional light weight lifting and running.
then again, it's all pointless by now.
i began seeing a former acquaintance around 4 months ago. i hadn't planned on this at all, but an intervention (by an idiot. maybe more on that some other time) led us down the path of a redemption dinner, then another, then a few saturdays together, and then even through sundays, with a mass, a movie, a college entrance exam, and a high school retreat in between (let me establish first that the last two were not hers). in the middle of one of these weekends, she mentioned that she was a little conscious of her weight. and so she asked me, 'if i hit 140 pounds, would you still love me?'
i was thinking, 'girl, you're considering being 140 pounds?'... but said nothing.
two months ago, without telling her, i bought some light weights, and started running consistently again (consistently here meaning more than once a week), with the thought of, 'well, if she wants to be 140 pounds, so be it'. and, at almost the same time, she was told that she was going on a 'developmental assignment' to one of her office's overseas hubs, and would be leaving shortly, to be gone for half a year. and i felt that, heck, not even working in the city anymore meant i had 5-6 weekends left being with her, i should maximize every one of those weekends together with her.
and on the first of those weekends, i found out that she was working with a different philosophy, one which i did not understand then, but eventually did. and we had a big fight. one that lasted, well, 5-6 weeks, give or take. we never spent a weekend together again. by the time she was to leave, we were talking already, but things had, by then, gone irreversibly wrong. and i'll save that for the next post.
i was so set that i had something to work myself for, that it wouldn't matter how chunky she got, and i would show her that it didn't. i wanted so badly for us to stick it out together, and i learned that maybe i wasn't alone in that, but there was a big mess that lay at our feet. while i may lay blame on myself for precipitating this mess, it's hard to regret it, given the circumstances that followed.
and so, i continue to work on those weights and the running. maybe i'll quit before she gets back, maybe i won't. but then again, like i said, it's pretty much without bearing. though it's not fully of my own work, i got what i wanted. that it won't matter anymore even if she does get to 140 pounds.
somebody asked me last week, 'is it me, or are you getting leaner, but wider?'
and i was told that i've grown thin, but at the same time, i wasn't as scrawny as i was before. i didn't think that there would be results so soon after starting to do some additional light weight lifting and running.
then again, it's all pointless by now.
i began seeing a former acquaintance around 4 months ago. i hadn't planned on this at all, but an intervention (by an idiot. maybe more on that some other time) led us down the path of a redemption dinner, then another, then a few saturdays together, and then even through sundays, with a mass, a movie, a college entrance exam, and a high school retreat in between (let me establish first that the last two were not hers). in the middle of one of these weekends, she mentioned that she was a little conscious of her weight. and so she asked me, 'if i hit 140 pounds, would you still love me?'
i was thinking, 'girl, you're considering being 140 pounds?'... but said nothing.
two months ago, without telling her, i bought some light weights, and started running consistently again (consistently here meaning more than once a week), with the thought of, 'well, if she wants to be 140 pounds, so be it'. and, at almost the same time, she was told that she was going on a 'developmental assignment' to one of her office's overseas hubs, and would be leaving shortly, to be gone for half a year. and i felt that, heck, not even working in the city anymore meant i had 5-6 weekends left being with her, i should maximize every one of those weekends together with her.
and on the first of those weekends, i found out that she was working with a different philosophy, one which i did not understand then, but eventually did. and we had a big fight. one that lasted, well, 5-6 weeks, give or take. we never spent a weekend together again. by the time she was to leave, we were talking already, but things had, by then, gone irreversibly wrong. and i'll save that for the next post.
i was so set that i had something to work myself for, that it wouldn't matter how chunky she got, and i would show her that it didn't. i wanted so badly for us to stick it out together, and i learned that maybe i wasn't alone in that, but there was a big mess that lay at our feet. while i may lay blame on myself for precipitating this mess, it's hard to regret it, given the circumstances that followed.
and so, i continue to work on those weights and the running. maybe i'll quit before she gets back, maybe i won't. but then again, like i said, it's pretty much without bearing. though it's not fully of my own work, i got what i wanted. that it won't matter anymore even if she does get to 140 pounds.
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