Saturday, December 12, 2009
one brick at a time.
i thought that writing about how we ended might lead me to a path of clarity from the road we took together. and while i haven't fully found it yet, which still keeps me up at night, i've also come to this point of knowing that i cannot wait any longer for a detour to come my way. if i wanted a course for my own, i'd need to lay it down myself.
i once read a quote that said (more or less) that if something ends, you shouldn't be sad that it ended, but be happy that it ever began, and on the surface, i agree. while i could never regret everything we shared, i know i must never forget, above all else, the disjoint that we had. it's time to come to terms with the fact that we didn't give ourselves much time to settle in, or distance to step back and weigh-in what we had. i had wanted too much, too soon, and while i tried to get away with the lie that i didn't want more, i know that i eventually gave myself away- that i would've been to glad to have been yours. in due time, you showed your hand, too, only it took your leaving to make me see it.
there is enough time. and i cannot sit idly from then until now, clinging to the hope that i might convince you that i'm someone to come back to. because i couldn't convince you of that even before you left. it's time to stop reminding myself of what i've lost. it's time to remind myself that i could not have lost what i never really had.
it's time to rebuild, one brick at a time.
i thought that writing about how we ended might lead me to a path of clarity from the road we took together. and while i haven't fully found it yet, which still keeps me up at night, i've also come to this point of knowing that i cannot wait any longer for a detour to come my way. if i wanted a course for my own, i'd need to lay it down myself.
i once read a quote that said (more or less) that if something ends, you shouldn't be sad that it ended, but be happy that it ever began, and on the surface, i agree. while i could never regret everything we shared, i know i must never forget, above all else, the disjoint that we had. it's time to come to terms with the fact that we didn't give ourselves much time to settle in, or distance to step back and weigh-in what we had. i had wanted too much, too soon, and while i tried to get away with the lie that i didn't want more, i know that i eventually gave myself away- that i would've been to glad to have been yours. in due time, you showed your hand, too, only it took your leaving to make me see it.
there is enough time. and i cannot sit idly from then until now, clinging to the hope that i might convince you that i'm someone to come back to. because i couldn't convince you of that even before you left. it's time to stop reminding myself of what i've lost. it's time to remind myself that i could not have lost what i never really had.
it's time to rebuild, one brick at a time.
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